I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize