Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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