Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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