I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
