I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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