If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
