Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
