for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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