Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
