i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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