Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
