im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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