well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
