I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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