It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
