I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
