It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
