Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize