i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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