highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
