oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
