They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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