I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
