Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
