God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
