I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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