tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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