And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
