...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize