Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
