We won't sleep together?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
