i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
