Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
