i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Barsexuality is the new black.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
