Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize