yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
