I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The best revenge is premature balding
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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