look no pants
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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