i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
