Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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