last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
