you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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