I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
should my penis look like a turkey
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize