All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize