i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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