Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
