We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
