Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize