If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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