I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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