If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
