Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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