I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
