porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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