Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I could make wine with my vomit
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize