theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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