No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
