Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sorry about my life...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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