I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
