Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
