Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
