dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
