Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
