1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
