I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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