found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
