can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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