I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
