These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
