Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize