No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
