i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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