it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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